My bologna has a first name… it’s Mechanically Separated Turkey. My bologna has a second name, it’s water.

Oh wait, that’s the ingredient list.

But I’m intrigued. Mechanically separated turkey? That sounds deliciously… gruesome. Do they mechanically separate the turkey while it’s still alive? Because that would be so cool. Kind of like a horcrux in Harry Potter. You could only make one by killing a person. This is the same thing. Except substitute turkey for a person, and instead of a magical object that contains part of your soul, you have a meat product that we feed to children. Otherwise, same thing.

I wonder… maybe bologna does have magical powers… I’ll have to check that out.